What does your ideal day look like?

What's your idea of an ideal day? Probably something that you may not have given a lot of thought too, or maybe you spend all day dreaming about what this would look like. When I say ideal day, I mean average ideal day, not the kind where you are a billionaire with people running around at your beacon call (although that might be nice) we need to keep it real here, although there's no harm in a little daydreaming every now and then. I am talking about the kind of day that you might experience that would be within the realm of possibilities and the kind that if you could have everyday would make you feel pretty satisfied with life.
The reason I ask this is because I had to complete this task myself today as part of my assessment for my life coaching course. It was a bit of a moment of realisation for me, when I started putting pen to paper, I realised that I am actually living my ideal life. Wow! What an awesome revelation!.
My ideal day went something like this..... A day where I can give to and serve others, where I can receive love, intimacy and connection on a deep physical, emotional and spiritual level. The kind of day where I am able to invest in my creative side, potter in my garden, cook up a storm in my kitchen, learn something new, read a book with my children, share a coffee on my balcony with my husband before getting him off to work, walk on the beach, move and nourish my body.
Of course my day often involves washing clothes, making beds and all the other mundane tasks that we do as responsible adults running a household but even then I find a deep sense of satisfaction knowing those task have been completed and there is some order in the house again.
So once again I ask you, what does your ideal day look like? If your ideal day and your reality don't align, are you able to identify the gaps and what you would need to do in order to bridge the gaps? Is it money, is it expectation, responsibility, lack of motivation or enthusiasm, is it circumstance? Did you know that all of these obstacles can be overcome? Did you realise that the reason your not living your ideal day right now is by your own choice? Ok, ok I can hear you screaming at me right now! I get it, you have your reasons, or excuses! you are a victim right? Wrong. We are all responsible for our choices and while we don't choose to have bad things happen to us, that rob us of the chance to live our ideal day, we do get the choice about how we respond to the circumstances. We can choose to be miserable in a lousy job, or we can find a better job and start fresh, we can chose to be defeated by illness and injury or we can choose to learn and grow from the experience and channel our energy into making something positive and meaningful out of the experience. We can blame all manner of things on our unhappiness but the truth is, if you dwell in it, its your choice.
I know as well as anyone how hard it can be to change your circumstances when you feel stuck and trapped by life. But sometimes we just have to say yes to life and the rest will work itself out. Have some faith that no matter what life throws at you, you are able to handle it and you are the master of your own destiny. Don't be a victim, be victorious, be your own hero.
I think I have said it before but a very wise person said to me once something that I often refer to when I don't know whether to take action about something or not " if nothing changes, what can you expect the future to look like"? Its very powerful, because if you were like me living a life with little to no sense of satisfaction, being driven by the need to make money, going through the motions, playing the game, giving away your power then you would also be like me and decide that you deserve a better future and a chance to make it count.
Decide what your ideal day looks like and start taking steps today (even baby ones) towards making it happen. If its change in career direction, explore careers that your interested in, check out education opportunities, read, learn as much as you can and don't forget its never to late to reinvent yourself, commitment to ongoing self improvement, is a lifelong challenge and something that everyone should be striving towards. If you want less chaos at home, start working on ways to create a calm and peaceful environment, explore with the others you live with ways that you can all contribute to making things run more smoothly, you don't need to be a martyr, if you have kids chances are they would love to get involved in constructing a jobs chart and even more the rewards that come from completing all the weekly tasks without being nagged. This also teaches responsibility which is a quality I think that's being lost with this generation.
Turn off the TV and download some calming music, something instrumental (guided meditation music before bed is awesome too for a great night sleep, that means no devices before bed) burn some pleasurable scents in the house, I use my essential oil diffuser often and choose calming blends like lavender, peppermint and bergamot.
If your ideal day includes time for exercise (if your one of those people like the rush of endorphins you get from exercise) but you keep finding reasons why you cant fit it in, then set your alarm clock for an hour earlier than normal and get up and get moving! I start my day at 5am everyday, sounds intense I know but I make sure I get to bed by 9.30pm and I make a commitment to myself to be up and at it before the birds. Its the best part of the day, trust me I know it doesn't sound like most peoples idea of a good time, but once you get into a habit it becomes a lot easier. In the beginning I used to dread the alarm going off but now I find most days I beat it and I wake up feeling fresh and looking forward to hitting the gym or getting some private time on the beach before anyone else surfaces. There is something special about being up before the sun and you can get so much more done in a day. I started this routine initially because my kids were on school holidays and I couldn't get to the gym at my normal 9am slot, however I loved getting up early so much that after they went back to school I continue to keep up my 5am appointment. I mean really unless you have insomnia or some other reason why you cant get your 7 hours recommended sleep then there is no reason why you cant get up early.
So you are getting my point, if you find your ideal day is more like a far off fantasy then start taking action towards making your ideal, your reality. It can be done, just dare to dream and explore what it would take for you to be living your ideal day everyday.

Giving freely.... the greatest wealth of the soul

This is one of my favourite quotes.
Being generous is an attribute that I value highly in myself and others. I'm not just talking from a monetary perspective but I mean generous with time, thought and deed.
How much do you give of yourself to others? Maybe the answer is that you give of yourself too much, if you are a parent, you never stop giving of yourself to your children especially when they are young. If you are a woman in particular then no doubt you feel like you rarely get any opportunity for selfishness.
I know for me sometimes, I become so consumed by my circumstances, routine, rituals, thoughts and old patterns that I forget to be generous and considerate towards the people I love and the world at large. I can literally forget about someones birthday, or that a friend that has been sick or suffering or pick up the phone and say hi to my elderly grandmother.
It can be very difficult sometimes when you get stuck in your own agenda to remember that the moments that count come from how much you can give of yourself freely without the need for recognition or acknowledgment. Just knowing that your present and engaged in the life of someone else can mean so much.
Volunteering is one way that I get myself back on course again when I feel like I need to start living more lightly again. I volunteer regularly for an organisation called Look Good Feel Better, its a program offered to women who have been through cancer treatment and it allows them to come into the community centre for the day and get a pamper session. Often these women feel defeated and hopeless after treatment has left them with a physical reminder of their cancer and their immortality. They are given a tutorial on how to apply makeup (and supplied with all the products they could need, to take home) and then we offer them the opportunity to try on various wigs in different colours and lengths to help them feel a little more feminine again. Its lots of fun to see the women light up at the end of the session after really get involved in the process.
The first time I went along as a volunteer, it was very confronting for me, to see other women my age with young children to look after going through what must be described as your worst nightmare. I wasn't sure if emotionally I could handle it, I mean I wasn't going to be a great help if I was breaking down in tears every time I showed up. But as the time went on I found I developed a great respect for these women who weren't getting bogged down in their stories, they were strong, determined women who were not going to let cancer stop them from living their lives in the most meaningful ways.
Another way I like to express generosity is through sponsorship of my 2 compassion children from Uganda. My eldest sponsor child has been sponsored by our family for the past 11 years. We have had the privilege of being able to watch him grow from a wispy little 8 year old into a young man, who is out making a living and providing for his family. Last year we took on another child, a 5 year old girl. We receive letters from them regularly and my kids write to them about their lives in Australia.
It doesn't cost a lot to sponsor a child however there have been times when I have had to consider if we could keep up the financial responsibility due pressures and financial hardship of our own. However I believe that as long as I can afford to go to my local café and purchase my regular large almond milk cappuccino that I can afford to give someone else an opportunity for a better life. We have so much compared to some people living on this earth. We have so much money, wealth, materialism and opportunity. We complain, but what the fuck have we got to complain about. Really, seriously. There are no excuses, we are just greedy, we all are. What would we know about poverty, about going without. We have everything we want at the flick of a switch, touch of a button and when that's no enough we find ways to do things better, faster and easier. We are the ultimate consumers and still we see people living on the streets, communities of people with no clean water, no food, no access to healthcare or any of the comforts that we take for granted.
I am very passionate this as I am sure you can tell! so I try to live my life with an attitude of gratitude. I am thankful everyday for the blessings that I have been given. For the life I have been fortunate enough to have and I take opportunities to give freely when I am able.
I encourage you to look around and take notice of the people you see that could benefit from your kindness. It might be stopping to help someone with their heavy shopping trolley, offering to mow your neighbours lawn while you are doing yours, make an extra meal for someone you know that's doing it tough and give them a night off cooking.
If you need more inspiration, have a look at my brand new facebook page with the same title tell-it-like-ange and see my link to the "wake up project" which is the brainchild of Jono fisher. His free kindness cards are a brilliant way for you to give anonymously and have some fun with it.
I used one of my cards last year to leave money at my local hairdresser so that someone special could get their hairdressing services free of charge. The owners of the salon, told me later that the lady they chose to gift it too burst into tears. It was very humbling. I encourage you to give it a go and get creative.
Giving to others can take courage because we instinctively want to protect our own needs and security but believe me, if you can give freely without hesitation or personal gain you will find that you will be the one that receives the greatest gift of all. The gift of knowing that you have changed someone's life even in the smallest way.

fearless living

I have always hated running. I was never a good runner as a child, I was always in last place at the athletics carnival and at the cross country carnivals the other kids would pretty much lap me to the finish line, if I competed at all, usually I could con mum into writing me a note with some excuse as to why I couldn't participate. I had short legs (and still do) and not a lot of endurance or stamina. Needless to say nothing much changed as I ventured into adulthood, apart from one short period of time when I prepared and successfully completed the Sydney City to Surf with a group of friends who ran in memory of Gaby Hutchins, my girlfriends still born daughter. That was enough motivation to carry me across the line in 90 minutes which I was pretty proud of. Since then I have pretty much avoided any form of running.
Exercise however I love, just as long as it doesn't involve any short of running. Give me a circuit class, weights, spin or even burpees but please don't make me run! I love the rush of endorphins I get from being physically active, its time I can spend just for me, when I can go within myself and feel the burn and the personal challenge and I love the knowledge that I am doing something positive for my body and my health.
I am in awe of people that can run, I have a girlfriend who just gets out of bed and runs 17 km most mornings, She has completed multiple half marathons and triathlons and just seems to do it so effortlessly. It sounds like torture to me, like dying a slow and painful death.
Well at least that's what I tell myself. In fact it is long held belief of mine that I am not a good runner. Only recently I have started to challenge that belief because I am learning that in order to overcome any fear in life the best thing you can do is face the fear head on.
So I am going to sign up to the city to surf again this year and I am going to run the 12km to Bondi and I am going to do it without stopping and I am going to do it fearlessly.
I am setting this goal which will be completed in August, but I am also going to set smaller goals to break up the 12km and start practicing km by km, month by month.
Just saying that makes my stomach go weak and instantly I hear the voices of doubt in my head starting to rise, but I am going to commit to this and put my fear to rest.
Is there something you have always hated? Something you know if you could conquer would be good for you to accomplish, if you were fearless enough to go for it?
A wise person said to me once " if you knew that you couldn't fail, what could you do"? powerful isn't it, Just imagine for a moment, if fear was not even an issue what could you achieve? What are the outcomes you could produce? What would stop you? probably a big fat nothing! There would be nothing stopping you from achieving extraordinary.
What scares you? public speaking, asserting yourself, making decisions, changing jobs, saying no. The truth is that fear will never go away, its not meant to, its there for a good reason. Growth.
If we don't go through fear, anxiety and challenge then we don't grow and what would the point of life be if we didn't grow? Its a the very core of what makes us tick, we need life to throw us curve balls that way we get pushed out of our comfort zones and into the realm of new possibilities, new opportunities and pure enlightenment.
I'm not saying for a minute that you going to suddenly do the thing you have been fearing and expect that all the fear will disappear, you have to build your muscle around it. You have to keep practicing, keep turning up,  if you can find the courage to stand in the uncertainty of your fear and do it anyway you will start to build confidence and find that over time what was once uncomfortable starts to become a little more comfortable.
So off my soap box now, I am heading for the shower. I just got back from the gym, completing a 5km run on the treadmill! No it wasn't easy, I had to break it up into chunks, first chunks of distance and then I chunked it down into time slots of 2 minutes. Mentally I knew if I could just push through for another 2 minutes I would be that much closer to my goal of 5km, then another 2 and another 2 until I finished in 29:48, not too bad for my first attempt!

What are you avoiding?

This statement was a bit of a revelation to me when I first read about the theory in "Awaken the giant within" by Tony Robbins but it makes total sense when you really think about it. All human behaviour can be explained by using this concept, we all move towards things that we perceive as pleasurable and away from those things that we see as painful experiences, and we will do far more to move away from pain than we will to gain pleasure.

Recently I gave up my private health practice to concentrate on making some serious life changes but for the past 10 years I have been working with people who live with the increasingly common chronic condition called Type 2 Diabetes. Over the years I have seen thousands of patients who have been referred to me for one reason or another, however the common thread with each and every case was that the person presenting was experiencing a health problem that they had either been responsible for causing or were not taking responsibility for managing. I know that sounds a bit harsh but believe me when I say I am an expert in the area and it was rare for me to see someone who had only developed the disease due to their non modifiable risk factors. The majority of the patients were over their healthy weight and living a lifestyle that had caused and had significantly contributed to the deterioration of their disease. Many of these patient were coming at the end stages with severe complications, taking bucket loads of insulin via injection therapy and having to prick their finger to test their blood sugar level up to 6 times per day. Now if that's no enough to make you put down the doughnut and head straight to the gym I don't know what will. However on the contrary to that exact advice, the majority of patients I was seeing were not participating in any physical activity, were not eating healthy diets and were full of excuses as too why they could not get out of their own way!

I might sound cynical and arrogant and not very compassionate, however after many years of the same story I have become a bit of hard arse about it. That's not to say I'm any angel but that's my point exactly, if I can hold all the nutritional knowledge available, understand the role of exercise, have studied inside and out the pathophysiology of the human body and how diabetes occurs, I know the risks but I still don't live life like I expect my patients to. So why do we do what we do? or more accurately why don't we do what we know we should do in order to live the most healthiest lives possible? Why are we not concerned with taking care of our health and taking responsibility ultimately for our own lives and our own choices? Because believe me when I say that if we wanted things to be different they would, we all do what we do to gain something either as a primary gain or secondary gain. We get something out of either not doing or doing the things we do, in most cases this will be to gain pleasure or to avoid painful experience. So over the years I tried to do my job to the best of my ability however I suffered with the sense of feeling very helpless in being able to motivate people and move them to take action, to make sustainable lifelong changes that could not only save them from amputation but save their lives. I always felt like I was banging my head up against the brick wall. No amount of information or education seemed to make any long term difference. Some people would make small changes in the short term but 9 times out of 10 at the 6 month review they were back to where they started from or failed to get off the starting blocks in the first place. Many people would never return for their follow up appointments because they felt to embarrassed, ashamed, afraid or simply had their heads too far buried in the sand of denial and avoidance to want to face up to the fact that they were unsuccessful at implementing any change. I tried so many different approaches, the direct approach, the soft approach, the goal setting approach, the counselling approach but every attempt I made just seemed to have minimal impact. Sure I built lots of rapport and gained some lovely professional relationships with some of my patients. Many of who I became very fond of over the years, however as far as success stories go, maybe a handful that actually ever took their diagnosis seriously and turned their lives around permanently.

In this context its quite easy to apply Tony Robbins theory, my patients all perceived that changing their lives in the radical way that was required was far to painful an experience than the pleasure they would gain from being a healthier version of themselves. The steps required for change would mean giving up certain things (high sugar, high fat foods) and eating a wholesome, well balanced diet and lowering carbohydrate intake (bread, pasta, rice, fruit etc) for some reducing alcohol intake, eliminating soft drinks and fruit juices, eating smaller portions and actually moving, yes doing some exercise. Not just an occasional walk around the block actually getting their heart rates up and moving everyday in some way that would produce a positive physiological response. Sounds too hard? obviously for most people yes. Of course I am generalising a bit here, not everyone falls into this category, some people get the diagnosis of diabetes or pre diabetes and they spring into action, as Tony Robbins says, they can reach their emotional threshold or stack the pain to the point where they cannot and will not endure another day or another moment with the threat of ill health. They decide that they will not continue to experience the pain any longer. So how do we move ourselves if we need to make change from procrastination to action and how do we then continue to steer our lives in a way that will sustain the changes forever? There is a complex network of factors in play here which could be better explained by the authors of my psychology text book however what I am learning now in my life coaching course is that we can learn to change our behaviours using our own internal drivers and by changing our beliefs. Yes its that simple, we can all decide that we will no longer tolerate the situation for another moment and start to build and recognise the leverage (reasons why things cannot stay the same) and use this leverage to propel us towards our goals. I plan to touch on this further in future blog posts, as its obviously a massive topic that needs to be chunked down into bite sized pieces however I will say that I am putting myself up as a guinea pig to see if I can actually use these techniques to change my current health and reduce my waist line. I have been carrying an extra 8-10kg for around 4-5 years now and for my future health I will be getting rid of this excess this year well more precisely my goal is to be rid of it by May. Ambitious, yes it is but am I determined? you bet. I will outline my plan of attack in my next blog post and give you updates. The most important part of this process for me is building leverage around the health factor, me being overweight is putting me at risk of developing chronic health problems, its not about vanity or wanting to fit in to societies expectations, believe me I am wise enough now to know that using appearance as leverage will never work long term. Sure I am looking forward to fitting into my clothes again but its more important to me to feel good and avoid developing cancer and diabetes. Its also important for my kids to see me as a healthy example and a positive role model. So if you recognise some of these pattern of procrastination in an area of your life you know needs to change, come of the journey and experience what could be a revelation of the power you hold within yourself.

Manifestation... making dreams reality

Some years back I stumbled upon this concept we call manifestation. A very wise family member had some knowledge and understanding of the quantum physics behind the theory and inspired me to learn some more. If you are familiar at all with the topic you will know that there was a film released some years ago called the secret. This documentary was based around the concept that we as human beings are capable of having anything our hearts desire if we can teach and train our brains too not only dream big but to actually believe that our dreams are capable of coming true. In essence whatever we perceive we can conceive if we are able to visualise and conceptualise it as reality.
Sounds a bit far fetched I know, but there is some science to back it up. Now I don't claim to understand much of this scientific material they call physics however put simply where thoughts go energy flows, as in whatever you give energy to (thoughts, emotions, feelings, beliefs because that's all we are is a big ball of energy), you will get more of. So if you are able to train yourself to visualise the career you want, the house you want, the relationship you want, the bank balance you want and you can actually work towards believing that it is a reality for you then you can actually manifest it into your life.
The film while very powerful and motivating was criticised in many circles for being too focused on the acquisition of "stuff" eg wealth, material possessions and self indulgent desires. Many people, myself included believe that manifestation should also be a tool to be used with good intentions for the sake of mankind and the planet.
I use the skills of manifesting in this way often, if I hear of someone who has been having a difficult time eg sick children, unemployment and financial problems I will spend some time in meditation and send positive thoughts their way. If I focus on things in this way for long enough and with enough belief that my prayers (if you like) are working then often there will be a breakthrough in some way, shape or form.
If you have ever tried this or spent time consciously being aware of the effect your thoughts have on the world around you, then you will have probably noticed how bringing yourself into conscious awareness, that more often than not the universe will flow in a positive direction for you or bring things to you in an unexpected way.
An example I have around this is many years ago after we first moved to the coast from the farm and I started to learn about manifestation, I wanted to test the theory so I decided that I would put a sign on the door of our fridge that simply read $100,000. At the time my husband had a maintenance man job and was earning around $70,000 per year. I was unemployed having moved without any job prospects, so needless to say money was tight with 3 kids and rent to pay. For many months I would look at the fridge sign everyday and I would work on actually envisioning the money in the bank and how that would feel (creating the actual physiologic response to what it would feel like having already obtained your dreams is a big part of making it all work) I would practice getting the butterflies in my tummy and the excited feeling of having just won lotto. Of course at this point your logical brain is trying to persuade you to be rational, you get the usual voices saying " but how are you going to get $100,000 if you don't even buy  lotto tickets" you have to build you mental muscle around shutting down this doubtful belief and just find a way to believe it to your core. It takes some practice so you have to be patient with yourself.
Needless to say a year later, my husband decided it was time to ask his employer for a pay rise. He hesitantly approached the boss one day, armed with all the reasons why he felt that his pay should be increased by $5000-10,000 (he felt that this might be a bit bold) but I encouraged him to go for it, he didn't have anything to lose, I knew he was a commodity and that he was doing a great job so he wasn't about to get shafted over asking for a pay rise.
He came home that evening to tell me that not only was he getting a pay rise but that his boss had given him a promotion which attracted a new salary of $100,000. Those numbers were our new reality!
That's just one of the examples I have but there are heaps. It just seems that when you are in need the universe just shows up in the most miraculous ways, if you believe its possible.
The photo I have posted on my blog is of my vision board. A vision board is a tool you can use to start manifesting in a visual way. Because I am a visual person I found this activity very fulfilling and lots of fun to do. Basically you decide what you want in your life and you go and find words and pictures that authentically and organically depict this. Its a very personal thing to do and I find it quite a therapeutic activity. There is no right or wrong way to do it, I found just getting engrossed in the process the end result just evolves without you even having to plan the outcome too much, in other words don't over think it and just let you inner voice guide you.
A key learning I have picked up in my life coaching course is " if you can language it you can have it" so building a vision board is like giving words or life to your inner most desires. The first vision board I ever made (the one in the photo) is attached to the wall in my toilet (not a very glamorous thought I know) but its a place I go several times a day and sit only for a short time but in that time, I look at all the pictures and the associated words and I feel the emotions attached to the images. Interestingly enough as you can see in the pictures, my inner most desires reflect a longing for a more simply life. nature and food, animals and growth, comfort and the warmth of a very natural existence. Its funny actually because it seems as though my life is starting to reflect the pictures you see and take shape in that very way. I am very excited to see where the universe will lead me from this point, I am open and willing and very much believe that nothing is impossible.

I want to be a 1950s housewife

If you believe in people having lived past lives, then I'm sure in my past lives I was either an Italian mumma or a 1950s house wife or maybe both.
I would have been quite comfortable playing in pasta dough or baking scones and playing homemaker and I would have been really good at it. Ok so your initial reaction might be how very antifeministic my view of the world is especially considering how far we have come in regards to women's rights and equality. The truth is I feel very comfortable embracing my role as a house wife and mother. I love the routine of fixing my husbands lunch every morning before work (I have been doing this since he was 17 years old and a 1st year mechanic) I love the sense of completion and satisfaction when my house is in order, I love to bake (and eat) real food, nothing from a packet or container, I am very passionate about making everything from scratch and my date scones and coconut and banana bread are pretty dam good if I do say so myself and there is something very fulfilling for me to put on my apron and get to work.
There is something about being in the kitchen that excites me, I am a passionate cook, cleaner and house wife and I don't apologise for being right at home in this role. (pardon the pun)
This year I am working on developing my skills in the garden so I can grow my own vegetables and food to continue to strive towards being self sufficient and environmentally friendly.
I developed a lot of my homemaking skills in my 20s when I lived on an isolated cattle farm for 7 years. We had to be self sufficient, there were no shops for 40km so if we ran out of milk or bread we would have to make do or use our initiative and find ways to improvise. Ok so I never milked a cow however this is something I have always wanted to do. We did collect our own eggs right from underneath the hens backside, kill and prepare our own meat from the cattle and sheep on the farm and bake (lord did I learn how to bake) and even a little sowing (although I was not a very talented sower) so these skills have been transferred from one life to another and even today despite the fact I now live in modern suburbia, I find myself longing for a modern but traditional lifestyle. Its funny though that it seems I'm not alone, so many of the women I surround myself with have a familiar story and longing to embrace child rearing and home making as much as I do. Its almost as though we are going through a complete cycle or revolution and coming back to a much more simple approach to life.
Don't get me wrong there are elements of my modern-day womanhood that I would never want to forfeit, rights that I have that if I didn't have would make life pretty miserable, like access to birth control, being able to vote and having the choice to work outside the home. I do have a brain that I like to use and no I don't believe that we should be second class citizens to men or that men have the right to control or dominate us. I enjoy a good argument with my husband when I am feeling hormonal or just dam emotional and I need someone to take it out on. He knows we are on an equal playing field, its just that I chose to be the good wife when it suits and make his life more comfortable, after all he is the one going out to work to provide the money to make it possible for me not to.
The only element I would love to master to make this whole stereotypical image of the 1950s housewife come to life would be the fashion and attire. When I think of housewives in the 1950s I think of immaculately made over women with the full floral skirts (with matching apron) their hair having been set and perfectly styled, flawlessly made up in preparation for their husbands to return home from work ( did I just say that out loud!) I can almost feel the cringing of the millions of women's activists and feminists across the world. I know how hard you worked for us, call me ignorant, I'm sorry but I cant help the way I feel, take me back to the good old days.
I think sometimes when you pair it all back there is something liberating and empowering to embrace your femininity and for me that is embracing the traditional role of the woman, for this I make no apologies and I hope to continue to perfect my homemaker skills this year. Watch this space.

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication (Leonardo da Vinci)

                "Never get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life"

I'm reminded of this very simple but very powerful message today.  I have just finished putting together a lemon and passionfruit sponge cake, the smell of sweet delight is now wafting through the kitchen as the kids and I prepare to head off for a short train ride to the sea side where we will meet some friends for a picnic lunch.
Some of my decision to leave my job was due to this realisation. It was in those moments of chaos when I walked in the door at 6pm tripping over lunch boxes and school bags dumped on the floor,  3  hungry kids still needing to be bathed, homework not done, wet washing going stale in the laundry basket and a husband trying to juggle all of that plus follow up on a billion missed work emails and phone calls he didn't get to during the day that I realised that somehow things had to change. It was pure overwhelm and I wondered why I looked forward to that evening glass of red (or 2)
That was all on a good day when it wasn't also expected that we would also be attending dance or music lessons or girl guides or football training.
I remember feeling the ache in the pit of my stomach, I was on the express train of life and I just wanted to get off at the closest station. I wanted to pause time, or more precisely stop it. My world was spinning out of control and it was a very helpless existence. To make matters worse, with little to no job satisfaction, I was left asking myself at the end of the day what am I doing all this for?

So finally I found the courage (it didn't just show up) I had to take massive action and decide for myself that I was going to do life my way and no more compromise.

 So today we enjoy the calm after the storm. The simple joys and pleasures of life, like taking in all that nature has to offer, being together, laughing, sharing delicious home baked food and embrace all the adventure and experiences of this extraordinary life. I am deeply grateful today for the opportunities that I have been given, time spent with my children and moments that I will never get back. I treasure every one of these precious moments.

intuative awakenings

From time to time I like to invest and even indulge in a more spiritual side to life. Not the kind of spiritual that means attending church or reading the bible (although I have no issue with this as I was raised catholic and I do believe in a God) I mean the kind of spiritual that the universe delivers! ok so beware you might need an open mind here but I personally believe that we are not all just players in this game we call life and that things are not just all based on chance. I do believe that where thoughts go energy flows, as in we are all the creators of our own destiny but that somehow there is a divine intervention that plays a role. Take this however you want but for me personally I have had some pretty unique experiences in my life, you many call coincidence, synchronicity or you may just call it intuition. I have been fortunate enough to have lots of people come in and out of my life who have been able to teach me plenty about their chosen modalities, some a bit far fetched even for my open mind and others which I have and still do indulge in sometimes when I feel I need some divine intervention or at least just some hope that I am not doing this alone.
I read my own tarot cards from time to time, I find these traditional cards magical, mysterious and enchanting. Its comforting even in the moment just to imagine that the answers to your questions might lie within your own hands, at the flip of a card. Of course I understand as a rational and sane person that you will search for the answers in the cards that you want to find as you reality is only based on what you believe and perceive, however I think I will always have a little gypsy in me.
 Last week my daughter came in to tell me that there was a dragonfly stuck to the ceiling in our lounge room. Strange creature to have found its way inside I thought. Then instantly I remembered  my animal spirit guides book, which contains the spiritual message behind each animal and what it may be revealing to you if you are presented with this animal/creature in your life. I often look upon it for meaning if I come across something unusual. Keeping in mind that one of my bucket list items for this year was to meditate more this is what it read.
" This is a time when the magic and mystery of life is reawakened for you. Its important now to recharge your psychic energy, which you can do so by regularly meditating. more than simply a change, your going through a major transformation, so enjoy the process!"
Couldn't be closer to the truth.

sticking to the game plan

As the dust starts to settle on my decision to change the course of my life's direction, I am finding it all the more challenging to remain committed to sticking to the game plan and riding through the uncertainty. The thing with me is that I am addicted to having control. In fact when things feel out of control or overwhelming that's when I tend to hit the panic button and grasp at everything I know will give me that sense of certainty back again. The strategy I rely most on to regain a sense of control in my world is to surround myself in busy. In fact I don't do sedentary very well. If I don't have a set task to do, I will search my brain for the next thing to move on to. I have always been like that, always looking forward instead of simply sitting in the now and enjoying the moment. I guess the busy behaviour is a strategy for managing anxiety. I believe that as long as I feel I have control then I will be able to manage the anxiety, the minute perceived chaos emerges so does the fear and the stress levels. I knew the decision I made to leave my job was going to create some anxiety, my challenge now is to sit in it and know that I will be ok.
I have had to turn down numerous jobs this week, phone calls from clients requesting my assistance. Which has meant the tough task of saying no. That's the other thing I haven't been strong at in the past. I confidently explained the situation in each event however I found myself getting off the phone and reconsidering my decision. I have been saying things to myself like "Maybe I could just do one more job, after all the money is good and it would help people who need help and what's one more job". The surprising part is that although my initial instinct was to relent on my decision, I realised that if I ever want to move forward I have to let go and be ok with not being everything to everyone. I will also need to realise that even the money is not a good enough reason to continue doing something that I know has not been bringing me any satisfaction or happiness for a long time. It would only be a matter of time before I would start to resent myself again for not committing to the change and find myself back at square one all over, which brings with it, its own emotional consequences. How's that for some honest personal insight.
So here I am again, ready to put one foot in front of the next. Good news I am moving forward with one of my bucket list items... to grow stuff.
This year the number one topic of interest I wish to explore more is how to grow food. I have always been fascinated with people who are able to live sustainable lives. I have read numerous examples of people who are living modern life but exploring traditional ways of living and I am in awe of these people. I am not sure where this fascination comes from, for several years I lived in a very rural location on a 15 thousand acre cattle station which for all intents and purposes was self sufficient however at the time it couldn't have been further from my radar of interest. In fact it was me who wanted to pack up and move to a coastal location in suburbia. Now it seems I have done a full circle and am discovering ways to grow vegetables, raise chickens and make my own bread in the city.
Talk about ironic! Its always been a running joke in the family that I could kill anything, in fact I have even managed to kill unkillable plants in the past, like succulents which require less than no care at all. My husband has reluctantly let me indulge in my new found hobby agreeing to help me build a green house and start raising some plants. So far things are going well. Its surprising how well things grow when you provide them with water!! So as I emerge myself in all things green, I hope to document my blog with all my successes and failures with the hope that I might have found a new passion and something that I can throw my nervous energy into and who knows I might even learn a few things along the way.

Friendship

Yesterday I was blessed to have been able to spend a full day with my best friend in the whole world. She was there to see my children born, the one who I have shared my most inner thoughts and deepest secrets. We have laughed together till our stomachs hurts and cried a river of tears. She has supported me through some of the toughest times of my life and been there for some of the best. She has been there to listen to my crazy ideas and put up with me changing my mind a million times and she has taught me so much about loyalty, kindness and never giving up on your dreams. We were so fortunate to be able to spend years together living side by side on neighbouring farming stations (it was a mere 20km drive for our weekly coffee catch up) but it was worth it. She has been an angel in my life, my souls connection to another human being.
It didn't start off this way however, in fact you could say she was public enemy number 1 when I was in high school at the age of 17, she had been fooling around with my boyfriend and I wanted her head on a plate. However as fate would have it many years later we were reacquainted by accident by a mutual friend who didn't know the history. We both turned up to the meeting blissfully unaware of who or what we were about to be faced with! You can imagine the surprise when we locked eyes on each other and had to do the polite hellos and " oh I remember you". Needless to say it was a very quiet lunch date.
Fortunately being older and wiser we both got over our differences pretty quickly and realised a potential friend in each other. From there things blossomed and we soon found that not only did we have lots in common but we had a deep connection that only people who have ever experienced true friendship could appreciate. Its the type of bond that no matter how far we have roamed over the years and no matter how much time goes between phone calls and visits, nothing changes. Well nothing of any significance at least (she is the first one I call for the big things!!) and the love we have for one another never diminishes, there is a quiet and simple understanding that we have each others back no matter what and that we can share anything in the most authentic and genuine way. I can simply be myself and she can simply be her amazing self and our love is unconditional.
So I guess this blog post is simply a reflection of how sweet life is when we can celebrate friendship. 2016 saw me retreat into my own dark world, caught up inside my own head and my own problems, I found it easier to become a social recluse rather than try and fake another awkward smile or another "I  am doing fine" (when really I wasn't) I didn't even reach out to my bestie or anyone for that matter because I don't think I even knew how to language what I was going through, I couldn't put my finger on the point of disconnection. I had lost all motivation for life and didn't see the point of trying to join in on the game as I really didn't want to play.
So my day spent with my girl was just another confirmation to me about how things are starting to turn around, I remembered what it was like to feel alive again as the conversation flowed (or more like gushed) out of me, I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. I never wanted it to end. It was like the excitement and butterflies of winning lotto. What a blessing!!! What an experience I will treasure always and as you can see from the pic, I was brave enough to strut around in my bathers all day, enjoying the water, the sun and sand and even taking the kayak out for a paddle, adventurous for my standards. So my gratitude goes out to friendship today and everyday, I am thankful for friends they are the family you can choose and my life will always be richer for having had a friend like Anna.

One of the biggest challenges I know I am going to face this year is my anxiety over money or the lack of.
I think of all the issues that I struggle with, money would be near the top of my list. They say its the root of all evil and the number one cause of all arguments between husband and wife, I would say that its always been a touchy subject in my marriage that's for sure and even more so now that we are going to rely solely on my husbands income. Don't get me wrong my husband has been completely supportive of my plans to leave my job but I know it is causing him a lot of worry too.
I don't know where my fears around money come from, I do remember my parents arguing over it when I was young and I definitely remember my dad being very anxious about finances so possibly some conditioning at play.
I think at the heart of my fear is the need for security and the safety that money brings. I don't want for much, in fact I could honestly say I am pretty low maintenance in that department. I have never seen the need for fancy cars, expensive handbags and bling. In fact I was having this discussion with my sister in law on the weekend after she announced her engagement. My engagement ring was $395 cubic zirconia and my wedding dress was a $400 debutant dress that was tweaked a little to make it more bridal like. I didn't care for expensive things and I still don't, however it still frustrates me to no end that no matter how much I cut back and how careful I am, money and the security it brings always feels elusive to me, and when it does feel like we finally have our heads above water something happens (bills happen) to bring us right back under again.
Its a love hate relationship and it causes me a lot of stress and sleepless nights.
So I have done the maths (as much as I hate the idea of a strict budget) and we cannot survive on one wage for very long. I guess I don't mean literally, I think we will have enough to put some food on the table (in whatever form that may be) and pay our mortgage but there wont be any left over for things that are non essential. Although I know it would be an easy knee jerk reaction to head straight for the employment pages, I feel like this time I need to sit with this realisation and this new reality for a while. Experience what its like to really do things tough. Get to appreciate the more simple things in life because after all when there's no money for dinners out or movies or holidays or shopping sprees what are you left with? Imagination!! I feel like this is the perfect opportunity to embrace the problem solver in me and come up with new creative ways to experience being poor with a positive spin. Who knows I may even learn some new skills out of it, become more resourceful. I know if I can get comfortable with being uncomfortable about this that it will mean fantastic personal growth as this topic has been at the centre of many of my emotional meltdowns over the past 12 months, never having enough, well when is enough ever enough?
Can money buy happiness? I don't know but does a lack of money equate to unhappiness? These are the questions I will be left to ponder throughout this journey. Lucky for me I love to cook and I am cutting back on my alcohol intake so savings there already!!! and as for my coffee addiction, I own a coffee machine that I cant use so first thing is to learn a thing or two from my barrister husband and then load up my thermos to replace the takeaway habit so there's no reason to go into withdrawals just yet! As long as I have had my caffeine hit I can take on the world.

So here we are, a brand new year is upon us! Onwards and upwards. I am still attempting to apply my very basic knowledge of blogging to my page so things are still a little immature, however I have a gorgeous friend who has agreed to help me with some of the layout and applications so hopefully there will be a more sophisticated page to come soon.
My plan this year is to experience my life through 5 simple filters. Love, growth, learning, giving and creativity.
Love is at the centre of everything that is important to me. Love for family, love for my closest friends, love for my world (physical and spiritual) love for my fellow man/woman and last but not least love for myself.
Loving myself has not always been very easy and if I am honest its a relationship I think I will always have to work on. I definitely feel that as I get older there is a certain wisdom and confidence that comes with age, a stronger sense of self and a certain inner peace that you find within your own skin.
There are lots of tools I have used along the way to help me turn the tables on my inner critic, many which I will share in the love link, but one of the ways I have learned to be grateful for the amazing life that I have and love myself, cellulite and all is the realisation that this life is no dress rehearsal. In fact I become very emotional even at the thought of how precious and fragile life can be.
Recently while scrolling through my facebook news feed, I stumbled upon a post tagged by an old school friend. It was the obituary for a fellow high school friend who had passed away at the age of 34 of breast cancer. She leaves behind a husband and two small children. I didn't know this person well but it really affected me.
This was one of the catalysts that helped me make some decisions and choices around what course my life was on and what I wanted the future to look like. If my time on earth is limited and it is, (we are all dying), I don't want to look back on it and feel regret. I fairly certain my friend would have given anything for one more day, one more hug from her daughters, one more "I love you" shared with her husband. I know that no part of her would have wished she had smaller thighs or bigger boobs or cared what others thought of her or wished she had more stuff.
Its a powerful metaphor but I often use it to reflect on what dying would mean to me.
Make everyday count, I know it sounds cliché but it really is that simple. Do what makes you happy everyday because you never know what tomorrow may bring. Laugh at yourself, let the tears flow when they need to, tell the people you love how much they mean to you everyday, never be ashamed to be yourself, what does it matter anyway, you can never fail only grow.
This year is about falling in love again & rediscovering what it is I love about my world. It starts and ends with love, it starts with me.