One of the biggest challenges I know I am going to face this year is my anxiety over money or the lack of.
I think of all the issues that I struggle with, money would be near the top of my list. They say its the root of all evil and the number one cause of all arguments between husband and wife, I would say that its always been a touchy subject in my marriage that's for sure and even more so now that we are going to rely solely on my husbands income. Don't get me wrong my husband has been completely supportive of my plans to leave my job but I know it is causing him a lot of worry too.
I don't know where my fears around money come from, I do remember my parents arguing over it when I was young and I definitely remember my dad being very anxious about finances so possibly some conditioning at play.
I think at the heart of my fear is the need for security and the safety that money brings. I don't want for much, in fact I could honestly say I am pretty low maintenance in that department. I have never seen the need for fancy cars, expensive handbags and bling. In fact I was having this discussion with my sister in law on the weekend after she announced her engagement. My engagement ring was $395 cubic zirconia and my wedding dress was a $400 debutant dress that was tweaked a little to make it more bridal like. I didn't care for expensive things and I still don't, however it still frustrates me to no end that no matter how much I cut back and how careful I am, money and the security it brings always feels elusive to me, and when it does feel like we finally have our heads above water something happens (bills happen) to bring us right back under again.
Its a love hate relationship and it causes me a lot of stress and sleepless nights.
So I have done the maths (as much as I hate the idea of a strict budget) and we cannot survive on one wage for very long. I guess I don't mean literally, I think we will have enough to put some food on the table (in whatever form that may be) and pay our mortgage but there wont be any left over for things that are non essential. Although I know it would be an easy knee jerk reaction to head straight for the employment pages, I feel like this time I need to sit with this realisation and this new reality for a while. Experience what its like to really do things tough. Get to appreciate the more simple things in life because after all when there's no money for dinners out or movies or holidays or shopping sprees what are you left with? Imagination!! I feel like this is the perfect opportunity to embrace the problem solver in me and come up with new creative ways to experience being poor with a positive spin. Who knows I may even learn some new skills out of it, become more resourceful. I know if I can get comfortable with being uncomfortable about this that it will mean fantastic personal growth as this topic has been at the centre of many of my emotional meltdowns over the past 12 months, never having enough, well when is enough ever enough?
Can money buy happiness? I don't know but does a lack of money equate to unhappiness? These are the questions I will be left to ponder throughout this journey. Lucky for me I love to cook and I am cutting back on my alcohol intake so savings there already!!! and as for my coffee addiction, I own a coffee machine that I cant use so first thing is to learn a thing or two from my barrister husband and then load up my thermos to replace the takeaway habit so there's no reason to go into withdrawals just yet! As long as I have had my caffeine hit I can take on the world.
I think of all the issues that I struggle with, money would be near the top of my list. They say its the root of all evil and the number one cause of all arguments between husband and wife, I would say that its always been a touchy subject in my marriage that's for sure and even more so now that we are going to rely solely on my husbands income. Don't get me wrong my husband has been completely supportive of my plans to leave my job but I know it is causing him a lot of worry too.
I don't know where my fears around money come from, I do remember my parents arguing over it when I was young and I definitely remember my dad being very anxious about finances so possibly some conditioning at play.
I think at the heart of my fear is the need for security and the safety that money brings. I don't want for much, in fact I could honestly say I am pretty low maintenance in that department. I have never seen the need for fancy cars, expensive handbags and bling. In fact I was having this discussion with my sister in law on the weekend after she announced her engagement. My engagement ring was $395 cubic zirconia and my wedding dress was a $400 debutant dress that was tweaked a little to make it more bridal like. I didn't care for expensive things and I still don't, however it still frustrates me to no end that no matter how much I cut back and how careful I am, money and the security it brings always feels elusive to me, and when it does feel like we finally have our heads above water something happens (bills happen) to bring us right back under again.
Its a love hate relationship and it causes me a lot of stress and sleepless nights.
So I have done the maths (as much as I hate the idea of a strict budget) and we cannot survive on one wage for very long. I guess I don't mean literally, I think we will have enough to put some food on the table (in whatever form that may be) and pay our mortgage but there wont be any left over for things that are non essential. Although I know it would be an easy knee jerk reaction to head straight for the employment pages, I feel like this time I need to sit with this realisation and this new reality for a while. Experience what its like to really do things tough. Get to appreciate the more simple things in life because after all when there's no money for dinners out or movies or holidays or shopping sprees what are you left with? Imagination!! I feel like this is the perfect opportunity to embrace the problem solver in me and come up with new creative ways to experience being poor with a positive spin. Who knows I may even learn some new skills out of it, become more resourceful. I know if I can get comfortable with being uncomfortable about this that it will mean fantastic personal growth as this topic has been at the centre of many of my emotional meltdowns over the past 12 months, never having enough, well when is enough ever enough?
Can money buy happiness? I don't know but does a lack of money equate to unhappiness? These are the questions I will be left to ponder throughout this journey. Lucky for me I love to cook and I am cutting back on my alcohol intake so savings there already!!! and as for my coffee addiction, I own a coffee machine that I cant use so first thing is to learn a thing or two from my barrister husband and then load up my thermos to replace the takeaway habit so there's no reason to go into withdrawals just yet! As long as I have had my caffeine hit I can take on the world.
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