fearless living

I have always hated running. I was never a good runner as a child, I was always in last place at the athletics carnival and at the cross country carnivals the other kids would pretty much lap me to the finish line, if I competed at all, usually I could con mum into writing me a note with some excuse as to why I couldn't participate. I had short legs (and still do) and not a lot of endurance or stamina. Needless to say nothing much changed as I ventured into adulthood, apart from one short period of time when I prepared and successfully completed the Sydney City to Surf with a group of friends who ran in memory of Gaby Hutchins, my girlfriends still born daughter. That was enough motivation to carry me across the line in 90 minutes which I was pretty proud of. Since then I have pretty much avoided any form of running.
Exercise however I love, just as long as it doesn't involve any short of running. Give me a circuit class, weights, spin or even burpees but please don't make me run! I love the rush of endorphins I get from being physically active, its time I can spend just for me, when I can go within myself and feel the burn and the personal challenge and I love the knowledge that I am doing something positive for my body and my health.
I am in awe of people that can run, I have a girlfriend who just gets out of bed and runs 17 km most mornings, She has completed multiple half marathons and triathlons and just seems to do it so effortlessly. It sounds like torture to me, like dying a slow and painful death.
Well at least that's what I tell myself. In fact it is long held belief of mine that I am not a good runner. Only recently I have started to challenge that belief because I am learning that in order to overcome any fear in life the best thing you can do is face the fear head on.
So I am going to sign up to the city to surf again this year and I am going to run the 12km to Bondi and I am going to do it without stopping and I am going to do it fearlessly.
I am setting this goal which will be completed in August, but I am also going to set smaller goals to break up the 12km and start practicing km by km, month by month.
Just saying that makes my stomach go weak and instantly I hear the voices of doubt in my head starting to rise, but I am going to commit to this and put my fear to rest.
Is there something you have always hated? Something you know if you could conquer would be good for you to accomplish, if you were fearless enough to go for it?
A wise person said to me once " if you knew that you couldn't fail, what could you do"? powerful isn't it, Just imagine for a moment, if fear was not even an issue what could you achieve? What are the outcomes you could produce? What would stop you? probably a big fat nothing! There would be nothing stopping you from achieving extraordinary.
What scares you? public speaking, asserting yourself, making decisions, changing jobs, saying no. The truth is that fear will never go away, its not meant to, its there for a good reason. Growth.
If we don't go through fear, anxiety and challenge then we don't grow and what would the point of life be if we didn't grow? Its a the very core of what makes us tick, we need life to throw us curve balls that way we get pushed out of our comfort zones and into the realm of new possibilities, new opportunities and pure enlightenment.
I'm not saying for a minute that you going to suddenly do the thing you have been fearing and expect that all the fear will disappear, you have to build your muscle around it. You have to keep practicing, keep turning up,  if you can find the courage to stand in the uncertainty of your fear and do it anyway you will start to build confidence and find that over time what was once uncomfortable starts to become a little more comfortable.
So off my soap box now, I am heading for the shower. I just got back from the gym, completing a 5km run on the treadmill! No it wasn't easy, I had to break it up into chunks, first chunks of distance and then I chunked it down into time slots of 2 minutes. Mentally I knew if I could just push through for another 2 minutes I would be that much closer to my goal of 5km, then another 2 and another 2 until I finished in 29:48, not too bad for my first attempt!